Swinger Wife, the Trip Away

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WHAT IS A SWINGER?

First Off Being a Swinger does not mean that a Swinger has sex with anyone, lets look at the word and what it means.

"Swing," "Swinger," what do these words mean to you. How about the word "lifestyle?" Funny how words mean so many different things to so many different people. My dictionary defines "Swinger" as: "One that swings: a good swinger of baseball bats." I always had a suspicion that Barry Bonds was a "swinger." My dictionary also says: "A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges sexual partners." Now we're getting somewhere, although I didn't know marital status had so much to do with "swinging." I'll have to call Webster and explain to him that non-married couples swing too. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear that.

The word "swing" dates back to the 20's when the black community discovered a new form of music called Jazz and called it "Swinging Jazz." The reference described the form of dance where a man would literally "swing" his partner through a series of dance moves. Like the Charleston and the Lindy Hop were born, and so was the term "swing." Most conservatives couldn't believe it when they saw people shaking their hips and frolicking to this new underground sensual music.

Eventually, in the 30's and 40's, band leaders like Cab Callaway, Duke Ellington, Glen Miller and Count Basie brought in the big band era and "Swing was King." The popularity of swing music faded after WWII until the late 50's when Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack redefined the word "swinger." The word's connotation reached beyond their music and started to represent their lifestyle. They were hip, fashionable, cool and sexy. They were swingers, man. Playboy magazine was first published and a new era of sexuality was born. "Swinger" had a positive connotation, everyone wanted to be called a "swinger." Of course the term was only relegated to men. Being considered a swinger would never be considered appropriate for a woman.

Of course the "shagedelic swinging sixties" followed and once again the term "swinger" took on a new, cartoon-type of character. Towards the end of the 60's, swinger clubs started to form. Publications were printed and different forms of alternative relationships like swinging, polyamory and communal living started to show up.

It wasn't long before the 70's and rumors of "key parties" and "wife swappers" became the common explanation of the "new swingers." Again, sexist overtones dominated the "swinger" scene, the very term "wife swapper" implies that the man owns his wife and can trade her at will for another partner.

The 80's saw a surge of new clubs forming until the AIDS scare forced many swingers underground and many clubs closed or dropped in membership. Eventually, swinging became a lot more open, clubs rebounded and national conventions like Lifestyles in California and Las Vegas gained in popularity and thousands of couples came to meet other open minded couples. "Recreational swinging" became a powerful economic factor, in fact it became an industry. Today, you can find articles on "swinging" in Time magazine, the New York Times, Details, on HBO, MTV, Showtime, VH1 and most national and local newscasts, newspapers and magazines. Conventions and clubs have popped up in every state. Resorts and hotels now cater to "swing" groups like never before. Recently, in New Orleans, over 1,000 "swingers" paraded down Bourbon St. in the first ever "swinging parade" behind a jazz (swing) band with a police escort. Swinging has almost become mainstream.

It has become so mainstream that swing clubs and businesses finally have their own trade association. Imagine the effect of an organized effort to put forth positive images of this "swinging lifestyle." This is the first step in gaining acceptance and tolerance for a sexual minority that is steadily growing and we are being noticed.

By the way, I looked up the word "lifestyle" and my dictionary said: "A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group." When the term "lifestyle" became popular over a generation ago, it had many critics that objected to it as trendy and superficial because it was mainly used to justify habits of consumption, recreation or fads to categories in a system of social classification. Many different forms of sexual minorities all consider themselves to be living a different "lifestyle" from the mainstream. Nonetheless, the term has been useful, in fact, because they help explain ourselves when referring to social values and behavior.

Why the history lesson? Most people I run into find the label "swinger" as a negative term with which they don't want to be labeled. While I understand their reasons, most do not understand that the terms "swing" and "swinger" have undergone many transformations over the last century and will continue to change over the next few years. My favorite dictionary definition defines "swinger" as: "A person who actively seeks excitement and moves with the latest trends." Now that is a term we can live with. Maybe we should print that definition on shirts, come out of the closet and show the world who we are. OK, maybe not this week... but soon?




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Single Gentlemen In The Lifestyle, How To Win Success

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Rule Making and Breaking, Tips Every Couple Should Know

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Being a happy and healthy couple in the Lifestyle requires a lot of love, trust, flexibility and energy. Couples that enjoy the Lifestyle to the fullest have one thing in common, they know "The Rules." Now these are not a book of rules on how to find the perfect mate, or how to manipulate your significant other, these are the rules that you
create TOGETHER.

However, getting started on creating your rules requires some
organization and we hope this article helps to get you started.

Here are two simple questionnaires to help you get started on an
important discussion you need to have with your partner. I suggest you read this article, then each of you complete your part of the survey in private. Afterword, compare notes and discuss your answers. If the discussion results in an argument, you may want to reconsider your interest in the lifestyle.


RULE 1:
Know Your Self: Knowing yourself is where it all starts. There are many questions one might ask to get to know yourself better. Basic questions include:
 Why am I interested in the LifeStyle?
 What types of relationships am I looking for?
 What activities will I engage in?
 What activities am I willing to explore?
 What activities will I not engage in?
 Who will I play with?

RULE 2:
Know Your Partner: Remember you are in this together.
Basic questions include:
 Why is your partner interested in the Lifestyle?
 What types of relationships is your partner looking for?
 What activities will your partner engage in?
 What activities is your partner willing to explore?
 What activities will your partner not engage in?
 Who will your partner play with?

An Experience: When You Assume.
A moderately experienced couple is attending a house party with eight other couples and one single female. As the evening progresses the single female is spending a lot of time and paying a lot of attention to a husband. As people become more playful, the single female takes the husband by the hand and leads him into the other room for some "private time." The next morning the wife is quiet and moody. The husband inquires "What's wrong?" The wife begins to cry and states "I can't believe you left the party to be alone with that girl. I don't even know why the bitch was invited." The husband responded in a surprised fashion asking "What did I do wrong?"

Rule review (if they had rules).
 Full Swap - OK
 Different Rooms - OK
 Single Female - Not OK

RULE 3:
Share What You Have Learned: A simple process is to discuss your individual responses to the questionnaire. Do not approach this conversation as a negotiation. Approach it as an opportunity to learn more about each others thoughts, feelings, and motivations.


RULE 4:
Create Rules You Can Love With: It is important to create a set of rules that make you both comfortable. Typically, one partner is more adventurous than the other. As you begin this process together it will require flexibility and patience. Remember, one's exploration of the Lifestyle is a process. Things begin to evolve quickly and your rules will change
over time.

An Experience: Too Much Too Soon
A couple is attending an on-premise club for the first time. They shyly watch the activities in the "hospitality suites for a while." After a few drinks they decide to take a chance and begin to become intimate with one another in a semi private room. Another couple joins them and the environment becomes very erotic. In the heat of the moment, the wife reaches out to the other couple. She slowly moves toward the other man and mounts him as his wife massages her back. Her husband is stunned, left alone, he grabs his clothes, gets up, and abruptly leaves the room.
Rule review.
 Voyeurism - OK
 Exhibitionism - OK
 Intercourse with a stranger - Not OK
 Ignoring her husband - Not OK

RULE 5:
Don't Break the Rules: If you agree to a set of rules, stick to them. Don't change them in the in the heat of the moment. If you feel that you are ready to go beyond your rules, stop and discuss this with your partner. The best time to explore your rules is during the time you spend reviewing your experiences.


RULE 6:
Take Time to Review Your Experiences: This is very important. Share what you enjoyed and didn't enjoy, and what you may be willing to try. These discussions may be the most intimate and exciting discussions that you may ever have. Reliving passionate experiences can be very erotic.

An Experience:
The Morning After
A couple is lying in bed after a night of very playful fun with two couples that they like a lot. They begin to talk about the evening's events, the food, the music, and the sex. The wife indicates that during the evening she explored her first bi-sensual experience and really enjoyed it. As she shares the details of this experience they both become aroused and make the most of the morning. The wife indicates that she may wish to explore bi-sensuality more at the next gathering.


RULE 7:
Take Time to Revise Your Rules: Your rules may change due a variety of reasons. If you are having difficulties in your relationship, you may wish to tighten things up or take a break. Illness, financial issues, and the stress of everyday life may also impact your rules.

If things are going well, you may wish to expand your rules. If you are experiencing a surge in confidence, the excitement of new friendships, or the comfort of familiar playmates, you may wish to make general and/or specific revisions to your rules.

Either way, enter this knowing that your individual and collective preferences will change and grow in a healthy and happy manner if you work together as a team.

SWINGER WEBSITE REVIEW

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SWINGER BLOW JOBS

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New Study shows swinging couples have happier stronger relationships through recession!

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